2012, I'm ready for YOU!! :)

2011 was such a great year. Last year around this time, I KNEW it was going to be a great year, too!! So much change and growth. So much learning and living. I experienced life in so many new and so many old ways too. But 2011 at the end of the day, was an AWESOME year.

I rang in 2012 quietly. :) I wanted to do something. So much for that. Clubbing was out of the question. Family Game Night seemed like a fun idea. I came home to prepare my lesson for my Sunday School class in the morning, and ended up falling asleep. I woke up to the sound of fireworks, right at midnight :) 2012, what a boring start you were. My brothers raced to my room to wish me a happy new year and to request my presence at the neighborhood firework extravaganza going on outside. After making my way inside, I started to work on the lesson that I had put to the side to get some sleep.

In the last hour of preparing my lesson, I've been spiritually strengthened. I don't know what you hold 2012, but this awakening that I've had within the last hour makes me so thankful for the Atonement of my Savior, Jesus Christ. The opportunity and invitation given to repent and renew my relationship with my Savior and Heavenly Father is a gift I dont even know how to begin to say, "Thank you" for.

2012, you are, by far, my favorite way to start off any new year. Peace and quiet with a hope of a better tomorrow. I have faith in you. I have faith in myself. My faith in my Heavenly Father and Savior remains unwavering. My resolve to reach my goals in 2012 is strengthened.

Before my brother left, my Mom was constantly quoting the Proverbs 3:5-6:

"Trust in the Lord with all thine heart; and lean not unto thine own understanding. In all thy ways, acknowledge him, and he shall direct thy paths."

My brothers last words to me before he entered the MTC,  "Make it to the temple."

I miss Elder Faamausili, but I know that he is exactly where he is supposed to be.

2012, You are my year to sell my vacation home in Babylon and build my estate in Zion. No looking back, only moving forward. :)

Welcome 2012. Happy New Year :)

I do not doubt, for my Mother knew.

Today was such a beautiful Sunday. It was one of those Sundays that you just feel like EVERYTHING was perfect. Today was one of those perfect days.

It all started last night:

I've worked lots of OT for the last couple weeks, and last night, I just wanted to get out and let loose.  So I called up a few of my girlfriends, and we decided to hit up a local nightclub. just to get OUT.  So, some rappers are performing, and we're just having a good time watching this one dude make a COMPLETE fool of himself. Out the corner of my eye, I see this cute polynesian guy, but in the back of my head, I'm thinking negatively and just brush it out of my mind.

So, we're sitting there, and he makes his way over to our table. Introductions are made, and casual conversation begins. I just laugh off his advances, and leave the table to go to the bathroom. When I return, he's still sitting there, and my girlfriends are pushing me to talk to this kid. He asks for my phone number and facebook information, which I decline. He asks to call me, FB me, tweet me, for time to get to know me, and I just tell him my situation is complicated and politely tell him no.

As cute as he was, it just wasn't right. Don't get me wrong, I've been so lonely the last couple months. But it just didn't feel right. But,  I thought, I still got it.. LOL! Recently, it's been on my mind, haha. #jussayin ;) But, it was nice to be complimented and to be able to walk away with a mini-ego boost! I'm well on my way to my new, better, healthier self, and his actions made me feel confident in this new change.

Then, today, on this BEAUTIFUL Sunday,  we had the opportunity to witness the 2011 Primary Program.  There was one song, which lyrics I can't remember for the life of me, that talked about the Atonement of our Savior, Jesus Christ. How thankful I am to know, that my Savior, knows exactly how I feel. How thankful am I to know, that as long as I trust in the Lord that He will deliver me from sadness, loneliness and feelings of inadequacy.

In RS, the scripture, Alma 56:48 was quoted. "And they rehearsed unto me the words of their mothers, saying: We do not doubt our mothers knew it."

I'm so humbled and thankful to have been blessed to have such a beautiful, strong, God-loving, obedient Daughter of God to be MY mother. I don't learn from what she tells me. I learn from what she shows me. How she lives her life is a testament, to me, that if you try your best and put your complete trust in the Lord, He will guide you by the hand, and deliver you from that which can potentially limit your growth and hold you back.

The feelings of loneliness will still come. The pain of regret and fear of the unknown will take their moments too. But I need to remember to rely on my Savior and Heavenly Father to help get me through. I do not doubt that what the Lord has in store for me is so much more wonderful than I could hope for. What it is specifically, I have no idea.

If you know my background story, you will understand what the title of this blog means. I know that if I try my best, if I am obedient to His commandments, that He will put me exactly where I need to be, and give me MORE than I could've ever imagined.

My mothers life is my proof of that.

CH-CH-CH-CHANGES

*SIGH* It's been a REALLY LONG TIME fellow bloggers!! Hope that you have been kept safe, and that you have been on the receiving end of a multitude of blessings.

Updates on me: Back to separation with my husband. At this time, we have come to the mutual agreement that our combination does not work. Faults are on both parts and there were opportunities for improvement on both sides. At the end of the day, we are both happy and looking to live happy and successful lives.

I've started a diet and workout regimen. I'm so excited and I feel great! Hopefully, I will begin to see some physical improvements soon, but mentally, I feel AMAZING.

I HATE SNOW! First snowfall happened a few weeks ago, and I literally froze my BOOTAY off! Pretty hard to do, as I was just watching the snow fall from the indoors! I imagine myself living somewhere warm all year round; or at least somewhere where snow does not fall. I cant do this 12 ft. of snow crap. LOL

My testimony continues to grow and gets strengthened by serving in my ward.  Watching the example of my beautiful Mother, I am able to try to endure a little longer and put more faith in my Heavenly Father and Savior.

I'm so thankful for this life that I've been given. I'm so thankful for my trials, because they do make me stronger, when I learn the lesson that I am supposed to. Who am I to have been so lucky to have been blessed with so much, when I am so weak?

The Lord loves me and keeps me in His grasp. For that, I am so thankful.

It's been a while.

There have been so many changes in the last few months. My favorite change, my husband and I are back together, reunited in Utah. It feels good. Yesterday, we went to Crazy Buffet in West Valley, and my fortune cookie read, "There is no better feeling than to love and be loved." For some reason, that just brightened my day.  It's crazy how such simple and insignificant events can validate me and my actions and decisions... LOL

But that's not what made me decide to blog today.  Especially not on this blog.  I've been avoiding this blog,  because my progress had been halted. Not only did I stop in my pursuit of righteousness, I went back A LOT of steps. I've felt unworthy to even come onto my blog. The one thing that has not changed, is that I do not doubt God's love for me.  I know, even when lost in sin, He waits for me to, once again, push my pride to the side, and reach for Him again.  && there He stands, waiting with open arms.

Today, I went to church.  There was one testimony in particular that kept me crying for the rest of the day. Once I heard it, I knew that was what I was there for. It was shared by a young man, whom I've known for more than 10 years, who recently returned from serving a full-time LDS mission.  In his testimony, he challenged us to change our lives.. Anyway, in one statement, he summed up my life.  "You will continue to struggle, until you change your life."  For the last six months, I have been struggling. I've been struggling, across the board.  My whole life, I've always felt on the outs, like an outsider, unaware of where I fit in.  That is until a few years ago, when I gained and grew my own personal testimony of this BEAUTIFUL Gospel.  I understood my life's purpose. I felt sure of my self.

Then I let my guard down, let my pride come up, and felt like I could do it on my own.  Today, I realized that I've been relying on my own strength. That won't get me anywhere, it NEVER has. It was funny, because, today, I had so many questions. Every single one of my questions was answered, whether during the testimony meeting or Sunday School or Relief Society.  In Sunday School, the lesson was PERFECT. Am I willing to let one thing/sin/weakness stop me from inheriting eternal life?

Today, I realized, that I can and want to change, yet again. It's been a while.

I ♥ this.

"People are often unreasonable & self centered. 

Forgive them anyway.

If you are kind, people may accuse you of ulterior motives. 

Be Kind anyway.

If you are honest people may cheat you. 

Be Honest anyway.

If you find happiness people may be jealous.

Be Happy anyway.

The good you do today may be forgotten tomorrow. 

Do Good anyway.

Give the world the best you have & it may never be enough. 

Give your Best anyway.

For you see, in the end, it is between you & God. It was never between you & them anyway."

- Mother Teresa

I never thought it would've been Me.

It's crazy to sit and think that we are speedily coming to the end of February, and I haven't posted since December. So much has changed, is changing and will change.

Well, what's the latest with me? Maybe, by the end of this year, I will be calling myself a divorcee'. That's crazy. && although he makes it look like it's his fault by posting pictures on FB with himself and pretty little girls, it's not. I play a HUGE part in the dissolution of my marriage. Remember, what you see is what we choose to put out there.

Am I heartbroken? Yes, most definitely. Does life go on? It most certainly does. Do I still love him? Of course. Would I want to make things work? Uhh... I'm not sure... and not so much. There are so many good memories, too many good times to hold hatred in my heart towards this man who loved me and made me feel complete for the last seven years.

He's not my best friend right now, but he is a sweet and good man. I just didn't know how to draw out his strengths, and too many times I belittled him, and pushed him down, and cast him to the side. Still, he loved me. And it was visa versa, but we, women, have much more resilient spirits and so much more fight in us. This, I believe.

So, I've cried a little, cussed a little, and at the end of the day, I still miss the companionship. But He picked me up, dusted me off, and has given me the reassurance that everything will be ok. I'm learning to let go and learning to realize that I can't control my universe.  The more I try to control, the louder the chaos becomes.

2011 has already become quite the adventure. It'll be interesting to see how things play out ;) Have a wonderful weekend, fellow bloggers (=

Ready.

My life, is falling apart at the seams. EVERYTHING that I've depended on the last few years,simply put, is falling apart. Yet, I'm excited. I know, I'm so weird!

2010 has been one AMAZING year. Probably the best of my adult life. It's crazy to reflect on things that were happening just one year ago.

I don't know where I'll be in a few months, but I have a good feeling it will be a really good place. No set in stone resolutions, just high hopes for a better 2011. At the rate it's going now, it looks like it will be hard, but the struggle will pay off and the light at the end of the tunnel is gleaming and offering it's comforting warmth.

I know. I sound a little delusional, but I'm so happy. Circumstances tell me to worry and to be negative, but I'm so happy, so ooooberly happy, that I can't stunt this shine.

2011... LET'S GET TO IT!